I am not beautiful, this is what I have been telling myself. To be honest, I was allowing others to tell me this and I started to believe it. I was told that I just wasn't enough and even though some didn't tell me this directly it was implied. I started to believe that I would never measure up. This has been a quiet, silent issue, I haven't told a soul. I mean, how can I tell someone I feel on the outside, hideous, without them thinking I have lost my mind or possibly accusing me of being shallow. I full on doubted myself to the point where I deleted most of my photos off of social media because I was embarrassed to be me.
i am not Perfect
So, I am not perfect. I don't wear makeup all the time, my red hair is curly and is sometimes frizzy especially when it rains. You may think that for my small frame that my ass is too fat or my boobs are too large. Let's face it, I am not the girl with that yoga body. You won't see me posting photos of me doing handstands in a bikini because it will look like porn! I am the girl with curves, the girl that gets her eyes rolled at by women yes women why are we like this?
I have a funny face and I have small scars on my stomach that nobody knows where they are from. I will tell you they are from wrestling an alligator, shark bites, government implants, aliens or the best reaction I ever got was from saying that I did some time and I got shanked.
It is not just the outside, it's my insides too, I can get depressed, I have anxiety and I can sometimes be mean to those that are just trying to help.
My friends, I love you like nobodies business, you are all so special to me. I'll stand by you, praise you when you have good things happen and gently remind you when you are being idiots, just like you have so many times for me.
At the end of the day, your beauty isn't defined by a photo or how many likes you did or didn't get, your beauty just isn't about that at all. It's about how you treat people, mostly yourself, love yourself and others will love you back. Respect yourself and others will respect you as well. It's never about being prettier or stronger than other people, it's about shining your beautiful light so others can see you shine and maybe you too can help someone else realize their beauty and where it comes from.
i am simply human
Yep, I am human full of beautiful flaws. So do I feel beautiful? I nurture my mind with beautifully written words of some of the most amazing writers, I feed my body with food that makes me thrive, not just survive and my soul it gets fed with meditation, time outdoors with my puppy. I surround myself with those that lift me up and I return that favor by lifting them up.
I love people and I love hearing their stories. I love animals and this beautiful earth. I appreciate so much, and I care deeply for people. Life is a beautiful blessing that we all have. We are already so different, so unique and we are all simply beautiful in our own way.
So for me now I strive every day to not care what is looking back at me in the mirror, I say hello brush my teeth, comb my hair and thank my body for always being there for me. Life is beautiful and I strive every day to be a better version of myself than I was the day before. I'm not perfect I'm not beautiful, I am perfectly imperfect, beautifully flawed and I am finally ok with that.
This is me growing and learning changing like the seasons, I may be different but It is only because I am striving to be better than I was yesterday.
never trust a mirror
Never trust a mirror
For a mirror always lies.
It makes you think that all you’re worth,
Can be seen from the outside.
Never trust a mirror
It only shows you what’s skin deep,
You can’t see how your eyelids flutter,
When you’re drifting off to sleep.
It doesn’t show you what the world sees,
When you’re only being you.
Or how your eyes light up,
When you’re loving what you do.
It doesn’t capture when you’re smiling
Where no-one else can see,
And your reflection cannot tell you,
Everything you mean to me.
Never trust a mirror
For it only shows your skin.
And if you think that it dictates your worth,
It’s time you looked within.
You have the ability to be the best version of you and it's my job to help you get there.