Day #1 may cause miracles
I'm reading "May cause miracles" by Gabrielle Bernstein & I started day 1 today.
Day 1 is witnessing my fears. I work a lot on fear with my counselor so this is very familiar.
Fear is human we all have fears even superman fears kryptonite because it makes him weak. He also fears for people's lives, that's why he's so good at saving them. So fear is good it gives us information it tells us not to walk off a bridge or walk down a scary alley with 10k in a backpack. If you decide to do that and you see a scary man with a knife walking towards you then fear tells you to run, it puts us into action. Fear keeps us out of trouble. Fear can also paralyze us. Fear can prevent us from doing the things that we want to do, be who we want to become or just being ourselves because were not good enough, strong enough or know enough. Fear, when it's not aligned with our values, is unwanted. This type of fear prevents us from excelling and making mistakes. Mistakes are good because they give us information they help us grow and learn. We are all good enough we are smart enough and worthy enough to get what we want. The worst thing and this is the biggest thing is that fear prevents us from is having meaningful relationships because with fear comes shame and with shame we can't admit we're human we can't admit were fearful because that makes us vulnerable.
I write this today because I live it every day and I fight fear with compassion for myself, understanding and having meaningful relationships with people where can I say to them "I'm afraid of failing or I'm afraid of speaking in front of people or I'm not skinny or pretty enough to do this or that" and they say "yeah me too or I understand" and this creates a valuable connection.
Today, I noticed my fear. I'm shy and I try every day to overcome this fumbling of my words and awkwardness. I used to not do things or go places because I wasn't good enough, pretty enough or skinny enough and when I was what society would call "too skinny" going out with friends was the worst. I was told eat a burger and rude things that I had to overcome at such a young age, instead of facing my fear, I really didn't want to go out and do anything or be with anyone. This became imprinted in me that I can't do anything or be that girl because I'm not good enough, I told myself when I was picture perfect then I would do those things, but that day never came and I passed up on so many things so many adventures because of discomfort of who I was, what I looked like. I told myself I was not perfect and one day I'll do those things when I am.
Now every day I fight fear, I chose to do the things that I desire and know are good for me. I'm putting my heart in front of fear and it means choosing love for myself and for others, to be there, show up and be heard. It's not easy, but it's worth it.
"Today I am the witness to my fear. I open my heart and mind to see how I have chosen fear over love. Today I will watch myself as if I’m standing across the street peeking into the world I have created. I will witness how my fears run the show. I will pay attention to my patterns. Without judgment I will become conscious of where my mind chose wrongly and how these fear-based thoughts have tainted my happiness. I know this practice is the first step to uncovering my destructive patterns to create powerful change. I am ready, willing, and able to look at the delusional thoughts I’ve been projecting. I’m willing to witness my fear." - May Cause Miracles, Gabrielle Bernstein
I'm always working on my primary foods for my Integrative Nutrition class. I wrote this weeks ago but didn't post it because time flies when you are having fun. So here it is!!!
The subject of fitting in and fitting out was the topic of discussion last week, so I was very conscious of my behaviors and how I try to fit in and where in my life I fit out.
I have the pleasure of being surrounded by children at every family event, they keep me smiling, laughing and they have my whole heart. At a recent family event my nephews I will call them SweetT & SweetM (not disclosing names for private reasons) needed to have something to do so I suggested we play tic, tac, toe. We chose our markers I was purple (of course) and I drew the game board for them and one started he marked his x and the other his o's and then they both turned to me and looked at me and said "your turn" and I had this moment where my heart just melted and I could have said "there are only "x's & o's, in tic tac toe, I don't get a turn" but this look on their faces they wanted this connection with me, they wanted me to play and sometimes a lesson on thinking outside the box is much more important then following the rules so I just said "ok then I will be hearts" and that was it, we played the game with 3 players. They may not know how to play the game properly anymore but maybe this is a lesson to them one that is far bigger than playing the game by the rules, that there is always a way to do something different they don't always have to follow the rules and fit in, they can fit out. Maybe one day one of them will be in the same situation and they will remember crazy Auntie Aimée who played tic tac toe with hearts & never really cared if she fit in & they too will play tic tac toe with their own design maybe a lightening bolt? Or a happy face?
All I know is that I learned so much from them that day, having a connection is far more important than following the rules and sometimes you just need to listen to your heart. I absolutely love my SweetM and SweetT they are 4 & 7 and they are teaching me life lessons.
You have the ability to be the best version of you and it's my job to help you get there.